Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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