I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
