I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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