DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
