Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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