I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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