I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
