Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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