I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Randomize
