FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
