Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
