next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
