I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
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