I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
