Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
