Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i think im in europe. pls send help
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
