So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wish there were birth control emojis
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
