I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
