Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
