My nipple is on Facebook.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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