I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
