I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
