You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You did what with his pubic hair?
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