Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
