remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
