Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
