hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
