dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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