Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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