I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
