feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
