you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
