So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
