Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
