mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
