It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
