We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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