I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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