There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
