I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
