She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
