This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
