so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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