just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
