I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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