it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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