My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
