I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
