They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
a search helicopter?!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
