It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
