College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
