Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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