Soap is not a condiment
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
