dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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