i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
