Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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