How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
