my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
